Reen Zahari

Qis was tightly committed to getting us queued up. I was at work at the time, and Bella wasn't picking up. Clearly, Qis was fighting this battle on her own. I was only able to reply with short and quick messages. As soon as she got in, we screamed in silence. Since then, we've talked about it almost every day, for the entire year.

Life got in the way; I received offers from different jobs (two different fields), obviously because of how talkative I can be with strangers. I took all of them, and now I'm enjoying every bit of it. The downside is that I didn't have time to prepare for the Miss Americana moment. Qis spent a lot of time on it, and I can see she's much more of a Swiftie than I am. I was still in my Fearless Era, and she probably already figured out the name of the album releasing in 2050.

A week before the Eras Tour, I made a couple of bracelets, but instead of preparing for the Eras Tour, I chose to make them for my colleagues, which was worth it! A day before the Eras Tour, I went out to buy my outfit and grabbed whatever caught my eye first. It saved time and energy, but there was no bargaining at this point, and that was one of the perks I had to bear.

On the day of the tour, I caught an early morning train. The conductor lady told me to run as it was leaving in two minutes. As I got on, another train came from a different lane, which was the one I should have taken. So, I had to travel to Banbury, back to Oxford, and then to Marylebone. That usually takes me an hour became a 2.5-hour journey. I told Qis I wasn’t going to let anything ruin the best day, and I would be happy regardless of how my day started. I took an Uber to get to Qis, and I arrived just on time.

I got ready, put on heels that were sure to ruin my feet, and my outfit was perfect for posing. Queueing up to get inside wasn't as bad as I thought. Maybe I’d had it worse before, or maybe I was just reassuring on everything that day.

Then came the moment I honestly don’t know how to put into words. Pretty much all Swifties said the experience was indescribable, beyond magical. I had ladies complimenting my top; they thought I’d sewn the diamonds on it myself. We exchanged bracelets with other girls before and during the gaps between songs. The girls next to us and I were all glistening with tears while emotionally singing Lover and All Too Well. We danced and jumped to all the other songs, and I had to take multiple of  2-minutes break for my feet. Even so, I would still wear those heels all over again! If Taylor can do it, so can I.

I can't get rid of this vivid memory, I do think about it occasionally while working. I hope it stays fresh! Millions of thankyous to Qis and Bella for the best night! Love you both and I’d repeat these moments again 💜💫

I stargazed and it was a bewitching moment as I realised I have come this far to set for my own freedom. 

It is something that seems insignificant but some people do wish for it. I do remember the days living under the fun rules made by certain people to test our cultural disciplines rather than self disciplines. 

Kids were holding power wearing white collars, acting like a police. They called themselves LDP, I don't even know what that stands for. And there was a minority of us as new comers, hoped to learn another side of the country until it was viewed differently. So, I waited for another two years until the final day, I packed all my things and left without a single goodbye to a single soul. North was not fun. 

I flew to the east-side. 

Comfort food, hilarious and kind people. I was an intense full-marathorner, daily self-training that the official coach put my name on the list without the need to join the team. Didn't know I was good at trail-running until they called my name on the stage couple of times. What an athletic life. Even so, the place itself didn't feel right at that time. So, I waited for another 5 years to get it all done, skipped my convocation day and flew back just to get my bachelor degree scroll. East-side was alright, I would come back for mom's laksa. 

I received a suggestion to move to an Island. Penang. It was almost perfect, I met undeniably crazy colleagues when everyone labelled me as our CFO's niece. So pretty much everything was taken care of. Flew back home every weekends to see friends and family. It was a great time without any constraints. I have friends helped me a lot, they teased me a lot too. But it was way too hot in that island. All year hot and sunny and with what I wore at that time, not the perfect place.

I knew the neighbouring countries will pretty much be the same. I decided to broaden my search for freedom to another continent. The easiest at that time was here. I am sure there is more to come, if it's not different continent, it will be different county of UK. Do I sound like a gypsy....

I am pleased that I am able to decide/do everything on my own even sometimes it scares the shit out of me.

Well, my first driving test didn't went well. Dangerously failed that I almost got hit by a truck. It was that bad and could have finish my life at that point. Mind was everywhere. Couldn't put 100% focus on it, a lot of things bothering me. I was all good last week and ready for it. But when everything went down the hill, I failed miserably. Luckily my provisional driving license is not affected by what happened. 

It's 4:15 am, bags packed, and my thoughts still linger on horses.

I admit, I didn't know much about horses. I learned in a week with no prior knowledge or experience even walking beside them. The experience was unexpectedly calming and invigorating. Almost meditative, especially compared to how things were before.

The anticipation of riding again gave me a subtle adrenaline rush, even amid a heavy downpour. I found myself in denial about the weather, sitting in the car, silently hoping for the rain to cease – a situation I wouldn't usually endure.

The people around me added another layer to the experience. Riding with my best friend fulfilled a long-standing desire. Our coach was fantastic, supporting us and sharing in our silly jokes. The flexibility we had only added to the enjoyment.

It was overall a unique feeling. 

After a year of diligent consideration. 

Prior to making this decision, I feel uneased and unsettled. A burden that will stay for as long as I did not take a step ahead. The moment I pressed proceed to payment, I feel a strong sense of personal drive. Although this was pretty much how I written off my one month saving all for my Chartered Financial Analysts (CFA) - Level 1, now I am eager to do revision before and after working hours, this has positively enhanced my productivity at work as well. 

As an ACCA Affiliate, I have not use my accounting knowledge on daily basis, working in a completely  different line of work so I thought it is best for me to keep myself updated with all the changes in the standards. 

Taking this step is indeed a profound motivation towards more rewarding journey. 

Lagos 2023

There is something inside of me feels unsettled, individually.